Mama's Picture

This song was suggested by Tyler Mahan Coe, from the insanely wonderful podcast Cocaine & Rhinestones, a definitive look at the history of country music in the 20th century. 

Fiddlin' Frenchie Burke already had a reputation as one of the hottest fiddlers in country music in the mid 1970s when he decided to launch a solo career. He was known for Jimi Hendrix-like showmanship with his instrument, playing behind his back and while others held his bow. And although it never appeared on any of his albums he wrote one of the most show-stopping tunes of all time, although you've probably never heard of it until now and should probably be grateful for that.

I translated the lyrics from this YouTube version of the song.

My wife left me a long, long time ago
I was to become a dad that fall
I kept our wedding picture hanging all these years
In my house outside my room there in the hall

We can only assume here that his dog also died and his truck broke down. Actually I think we can safely also assume that a guy who has spent years obsessing over the one who got away to the point that he assures he sees her face every morning before even taking his first piss, well that guy is exactly the kind of guy you leave immediately after you become pregnant with his child.

In my favorite bar last night I met a girl
Who wanted to become a woman of the world
She didn't know the things to say and do
And maybe I could teach her everything I knew

I think we can see where this is heading. As soon as he realizes an underage girl is trying to pick him up, he should have let her down nice and easy and told the bartender to call the kid's parents. Obviously this is not what he does.

We drank and danced so much we lost all track of time
She held her warm, soft body much too close to mine
So many times she whispered, Mister help me please
Of a woman I once knew, she brought back memories

You realize you have a child out there somewhere, and right now a girl about that age is trying to get you to become her literal sex instructor, and she reminds you of the mother of that lost child, what do you do? If your answer is not, "Stop, drop, and roll as far away as fast as I can," then please don't write any songs in the last moments of your life about what you have just done.

I'm growing weaker and you ask me why
I shot myself and want so much to die
If time allows me I'll try to explain
And in my place I know you'd feel the same

Well, too late for that now, I guess.

I woke up this morning finding she had left my arms
Her lifeless body I found in the hall
A short note read, "May God forgive what we have done."
"That's my mama's picture hanging on the wall."
"Looks like I've met dear old daddy after all."

Please don't make me explain that. Unless your father is also your grandfather, you should have enough sense to figure it out yourself.

I'm not even sure if a double-suicide-underage-incest-story-ballad is a bad idea, or the best idea ever. I'm not sure if these lyrics are horrendous or genius. I'm not sure why Tyler wanted to do this shit to any of us. Thanks a lot, dude!