Skip to main content

Black Magic Woman

Look out, Carlos, I think you're about to do a dump!

Black Magic Woman is an anthem to misogyny. It was originally written by that guy from Fleetwood Mac who had the good sense to become an acid casualty and quit the band before the human resource nightmare of Nicks & Buckingham joined the team. But the version most of us are familiar with is the one performed by Santana, the man who somehow convinced everyone he was a guitar genius by displaying his ability to overbend consecutive notes on a single string. In the end it doesn't matter who is responsible for this clumsy jingle of toxic masculinity, since this women-are-witches-because-I-cannot-control-my-urges cliché was already a tired trope long before either version was released. Unfortunately it didn't end there. 

"Man, come on, I had a rough night and I hate the fucking Eagles, man." - Saint Lebowski

Got a black magic woman

Got? You possess this woman? She is what, your property? An object which you can consume to fulfill the abyss where your self control, dignity and honor is supposed to be?

I've got a black magic woman
Got me so blind I can't see
That she's a black magic woman
She's tryin' to make a devil out of me

Guess what, bud...it isn't this woman who has blinded you. It is your own lust and inability to exercise any amount of discipline whatsoever. Nobody needs to make a devil out of you, dudebro. You have created your own personal malignancy by blaming women for that which you refuse to take responsibility for. 

Don't turn your back on me baby

Oh, she tried to turn her back on you? She tried to get away? This is probably pretty solid evidence that she is not engaged in some campaign to compromise your pristine soul. This woman is clearly trying to escape your blatant misogyny while you are doing mental gymnastics to shift the blame for your weakness and lack of character.

Yes, don't turn your back on me baby
Stop messin' around with your tricks
Don't turn your back on me baby
You just might pick up my magic sticks

How is she messing around with tricks when she is clearly trying to get as far away from you as possible? Do you feel so entitled to her desire that you cannot even accept she is not into you without reducing her revulsion to some kind of manipulation magic? Whoever smelt it dealt it, fool. And for the sake of all fugks future, past and present - what is a magic stick? Your dick? You have plural dick? Bet there's a pill for that. Take it.

Got your spell on me baby

Guy, hey guy....this woman is not into you AT ALL. Stop accusing her of using supernatural powers to justify your subhuman entitlement to her love and affection.

Yes you got your spell on me baby
Turning my heart into stone
I need you so bad - magic woman
I can't leave you alone

Somewhere along the way something turned your heart to stone, but it wasn't this woman. But I agree that your heart must be blackened and hard, since you view women as possessions created to please you, and justify that moral failing by making accusations of the paranormal. Here is the deal, you do not need her and you totally can leave her alone. You should. Leave all women alone while you seek therapy to work out whatever shitty ideas about relationships and women that your awful father instilled in you. Break the cycle.

Obviously feminist chicks dig me.

Lyric Source


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

One In A Million

Pictured: Alternate Universe Axl Rose. The reason that these lyrics are bad are not the reasons usually given. There are certainly a number of terms used that fall far below acceptable cultural sensitivity levels, even for the time that it was released, and those issues have only gotten worse with age. Yet despite the fact that Axl uses derogatory words that he definitely should not have, the song itself is not racist, homophobic, misogynist or xenophobic in the sense that it validates or glorifies those bigotries. The song's narrator is a literary fabrication, a character, and not one we are meant to think good things about. Rather than tearing this apart by individual lines or sections, I am going to print the lyrics below and then discuss them at the end. Guess I needed some time to get away I needed some peace of mind Some peace of mind that'll stay So I thumbed it down to sixth in L.A. Maybe a Greyhound could be my way Police and niggers, that's right Get outta my way
Post a Comment
Read more

Mama's Picture

This song was suggested by Tyler Mahan Coe , from the insanely wonderful podcast Cocaine & Rhinestones , a definitive look at the history of country music in the 20th century.  Fiddlin' Frenchie Burke already had a reputation as one of the hottest fiddlers in country music in the mid 1970s when he decided to launch a solo career . He was known for Jimi Hendrix-like showmanship with his instrument, playing behind his back and while others held his bow . And although it never appeared on any of his albums  he wrote one of the most show-stopping tunes of all time, although you've probably never heard of it until now and should probably be grateful for that. I translated the lyrics from this YouTube version of the song. My wife left me a long, long time ago I was to become a dad that fall I kept our wedding picture hanging all these years In my house outside my room there in the hall We can only assume here that his dog also died and his truck broke down. Actually I think we
2 comments
Read more

Holy Diver

  Lyridiculous is not just a place for me to throw shade on songs or artists I do not like. That might sometimes be the case, but for the most part, I wouldn't even realize a song's lyrics were sketchy unless I had allowed myself to listen to it countless times. In this case I am a fan of the song and the artist. Holy Diver is a total banger, and I will straight up shit in your fanny pack if you so much as suggest Dio isn't a fugkn rock god. But that being said, what the fugk is this song even about? Well over at Songfacts I learned that it is some kind of Jesus science fiction thing . Like, after The Savior died he went to another planet to save them, too, and now he is about to head off to the next one, but they really don't want him to go. And somehow there are big cats involved. Ronnie was a recovering former Catholic, so I am sure this parody of his childhood religion made sense in some personal way that I will probably never understand, unless a hologram containin
2 comments
Read more