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Rockin' Robin



I can recall being about four or five years old and watching my mom and younger brother dance around the house singing this song. It was infuriating. I pleaded with them to stop. Didn't they realize how fugkn dumb this song is? Why would they be doing this when there was good music in the house to listen to? You see, you don't have to be more than four or five years old to realize a song comparing a bird singing to rock and roll music makes Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star sound like Einsteinian Death Metal.

I have already written about birds and cats in bad lyrics, and I think I am starting to see a very disturbing pattern emerge.

Tweedle-lee-dee-dee-dee, tweedle-lee-dee-dee
Tweet.tweet.tweet.tweet

This is never okay. Scat as a vocal style is bad enough as it is, but when you mix that with sounds from the animal kingdom you better be in The Wiggles, otherwise you just immediately lost all rock credibility forever.

He rocks in the tree tops all day long
Hoppin' and a-boppin' and a-singing his song

Not much to unpack here. These lyrics are not even good enough for a direct insult.

All the little birds on Jaybird Street
Love to hear the robin go tweet tweet tweet

Okay, so this robin isn't just rockin', this robin is a local rock star. I guess all the other birds forgot that they could do the exact same thing themselves, and it was completely unnecessary to travel any distance at all just to go feed this asshole bird's ego.

Rockin' robin.tweet.tweet.tweet
Rockin' robin.tweet, tweedle-lee-dee
Blow rockin' robin
'Cause we're really gonna rock tonight

Blow would seem to refer to playing a brass or woodwind instrument, despite the fact that we have already been informed that this bird is singing. If you're going to write some trash this juvenile and idiotic, at least keep your fugkn story straight.

Every little swallow, every chick-a-dee
Every little bird in the tall oak tree
The wise old owl, the big black crow
Flappin' their wings singing go bird go

These birds need to shut the fugk up immediately. If you go to see a performance it is not your job to make noise, it is your job to listen. You can make noise between songs and afterwards, but not during. This is how you start an Avian Heckling Pandemic.

A pretty little raven at the bird-band stand
Taught him how to do the bop, it was grand
They started going steady and bless my soul
He out-bopped the buzzard and the oriole

This feels like the bird equivalent of dating your much older guitar instructor, which is NEVER a good idea. That's how you learn about herpes the hard way. This shit was already stretching a paper thin anthropomorphic metaphor too far, but now I am to believe there is an entire competitive circuit of bird's performing against one another to become the top bopper? No, I will not go there. Fugk you, Bobby Day, for using our imaginations against us in such a terribly stupid way.

If you are a lyricist and you ever think to yourself, "What this song really needs is some kind of animal..." - STOP YOURSELF RIGHT THERE. Go back to school and become a nursing assistant and do something useful for the world, because the last thing I need is another hack writer turning this goddamned website into a fugkn zoo.

LYRIC SOURCE

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